Detour
by umaibo
Summary: Sometimes the path to world domination happens to pass through Scotland. An Akatsuki goes to Hogwarts fic.
1. On the Hogwarts Express

**i. The First Trip on the Hogwarts Express is Always the Most Memorable**

_(In which Konan and Nagato reunite with an old friend and Hidan shouldn't be left alone, ever.)_

If you asked Hidan what the first sign that something was terribly wrong, he'd tell you it was the fact that he had woken up wearing a shirt.

Sure there was the splitting headache, but it was the discomfort of a necktie and a shirt buttoned all the way up to the top that really brought him to his senses. If only he could get that top button undone, then he could go back to sleep...

"Ah, Hidan. You're awake."

Nah, Hidan thought, don't think I am. Whoever was talking to him (probably Kakuzu, the nosy bastard) was sorely mistaken if he thought that Hidan was anywhere near ready to get up yet. He turned on his side, trying to get more comfortable, but once again the starchy cotton dress shirt made itself known, the rigid collar feeling tight and restrictive on his neck. He grabbed at it blindly, attempting to just rip the damned thing open and be done with it.

"Hidan."

Again he ignored the voice. (Maybe not Kakuzu after all. Not deep enough. Itachi maybe? But what was Itachi doing here?) There was no repetition of his name after the second time, but it was impossible for Hidan to enjoy the silence now. In the end it was combination of curiosity and irritation that forced him to acknowledge the guy who was currently staring a hole straight through his skull.

"The fuck d'you want?!"

_POP_. Out the window flew the button, along with any chance Hidan had of getting back to sleep when he opened his eyes to see something he could only describe as 'Itachi but way younger and halfway through puberty'.

The mini Itachi regarded him seriously. "We have a problem."

An unfinished cuss dangled from Hidan's lips. 'A problem' was an understatement. Now that he was very much awake, he quickly determined three things. One, he was in what appeared to be an old-fashioned private train compartment, hurtling through an unfamiliar countryside. Two, his weapons were gone and the clothes he had on were definitely not his own. And three, besides himself and this weird teenaged Itachi there were four other people sleeping in the compartment with them, all of whom were giving him some seriously creepy deja vu. He rounded on Itachi, because at this point he was his only chance of getting some answers.

"What the everloving fuck is going on here? I know you were never the tallest guy, but this is just ridiculous." Even in a situation like this, Hidan couldn't help but getting a jab in at the Uchiha.

Itachi, of course, was completely unfazed by Hidan's remark.

"If I knew, I'd be doing something it instead of wasting my time talking to you. It's not genjutsu and I haven't sensed any ill-intent since I woke up, so if it's an attack it's a strange one."

Sceptical of Itachi's words Hidan tried himself to release the illusion. Itachi watched patiently while Hidan inevitably failed over and over. After a minute or so Hidan seemed to realize that Itachi really was telling the truth and gave up, scowling. "If it's not genjutsu then why the hell do you look like that?"

"It's not just me, Hidan."

A glance in the window was all Hidan needed to see Itachi was telling the truth. There he was, reflected in all his glory, a splitting image of himself at age 15.

"Well shit..." He ran his hand over his face, touching his newly softened features. He understood now why the others in the train looked so familiar but so... _not_. He noticed now that Kisame (that guy over there was blue, who else could it be?) who usually towered above them all at a hulking six foot five was almost what could be considered a normal height, and that Kakuzu's face, while still scrunched up in annoyance like usual, was lacking its usual wrinkles and rag doll stitch job. Even Deidara looked younger despite being young to start with, and that little red headed guy at the end by Itachi... well, Hidan had no clue who the fuck he was, but he looked like he was fourteen at best.

When his brain failed to hobble together any other plan, Hidan decided that his best course of action was to wake Kakuzu up and let him figure this mess out. Because until he was the last option he had, Hidan was NOT going to work with Itachi.

"Kakuzu. Oi, Kakuzu, get up."

Nothing. Hidan punched Kakuzu in the arm and tried again.

"Kakuzu you heaping pile of shit, it's important this time! Open your weird ass eyes and look at me!"

Nothing.

"Oh no, I'm rifling through your pockets and taking your spare change! Better stop me before I spend it on shit we don't need!"

When even turning his partner's pockets inside out failed to work, Hidan punched him again. This time his fist landed square on the nose, and there was a sick sort of crack before blood began to dribble down Kakuzu's face.

As amusing as it was to watch this little scene play out, Itachi decided to draw the line at broken noses and intervene. "You're wasting your time. He's not going to wake up until he's ready, if you're anything to go by." Hidan looked like he was ready to argue and hit Kakuzu again, but closed his mouth when Itachi's sharingan spun in warning.

"We need to work together until we figure out what's going on." Itachi paused as he felt the slightest movement beside him. "...Kisame just woke up. Fill him in and guard the others. I'm going to take a look around, try not to draw attention to yourself while I'm gone."

Hidan didn't even have time to be indignant about being bossed around before the compartment door slammed and he was left alone with a groggy Kisame and three comatose teenagers.

* * *

><p>It had to be a dream. That was the only explanation to how Konan could be sitting here, across from Nagato, across from Yahiko.<p>

The real Yahiko. _Alive_ Yahiko.

She'd checked that she was awake twenty times, and that she was not trapped in genjutsu at least twenty more. And yet she was still here, and so was Nagato, and so was Yahiko.

'Here' appeared to be a train of some kind, but compared to what she was faced with now that seemed unimportant. They looked so sweet, so young... Nagato, able-bodied and strong, and Yahiko... _alive_.

It wasn't just them, either. Konan hadn't failed to notice that she too was looking younger and more delicate. Whatever had occured happened to all three of them somehow. She watched her two best friends sleep at length, chests rising and falling with peaceful, even breaths. It was silly, honestly, but part of her worried that if she woke them up the spell would be broken and she'd find out it wasn't real. But she couldn't just sit here staring forever, she would have to do something eventually... so slowly she reached out to Yahiko, making up her mind to wake him up for better or for worse.

Her fingers had barely touched his hair before he stirred, blinking and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Mmnn, Konan?"

Just the sound of his voice was enough to start the tears flowing. She nodded, smiling.

"Konan, what's wrong? Did something happen?" Fully awake now Yahiko leaned forward and took her hand, and Konan couldn't help but laugh at his face so full of concern. She shook her head and Yahiko looked more confused than before, so she rubbed away her tears and tried again.

"No, nothing's wrong. Everything's perfect. I'm just happy to see you."

"But you just saw me this morning..." Yahiko still looked confused, but as long as it was happy crying, he guessed it was okay. He leaned back in his seat, idly hoping that Nagato would wake up soon, because even if it was only Konan the way she was staring at him was making his face heat up.

Fate provided a distraction in the form of an unknown presence at the compartment door, putting Konan and Yahiko instantly on alert. Nagato didn't stir, and the other two instinctively put themselves between him and the possible threat.

The door opened and they were greeted by what Yahiko recognized to be non-other than one of the Leaf Village's famous Uchihas, sharingan and all. Yahiko was all but ready to attack when Konan held out her arm, signalling for him to stay put.

The Uchiha looked from Konan to Yahiko, to the sleeping form of Nagato behind them. Then, very plainly he stated, "So you're here as well."

Konan's posture relaxed slightly, no longer expecting an imminent threat. "What's going on here, Itachi?" Her voice was dignified and commanding, completely different from how she spoke to Yahiko. Whoever this man was Konan knew him, thought Yahiko, though he had no idea as to how.

"I only know what I've gathered by walking along the train." Itachi stepped forward into the compartment, shutting the door behind him for privacy. "I woke up half an hour ago in a compartment along with Kisame, Hidan, Kakuzu, Deidara, and Sasori. Everyone appears to be younger versions of themselves, fifteen or sixteen years old if I had to guess, and all of our weapons are missing. The train itself seems to be full of school children wearing the same uniform we woke up in, all civilians. There has been no sign of enemy ninja so far."

"Have you seen Zetsu, or anyone else who looks familiar?" asked Konan.

"No."

"And where are the others right now?"

"Five compartments down, on the left. Hidan and Kisame have woken up but the rest are still asleep to my knowledge."

Konan nodded, apparently satisfied for now. "Check the rest of the train and see what you can find. We'll meet you in your compartment when we're done here. Inform everyone that they are to keep a low profile and not make any moves until ordered."

"Understood." With a bow, Itachi left.

Raising his eyebrow, Yahiko turned to Konan. "Who was that?"

Konan sat down and sunk back into the cushions. She sighed.

"Yahiko, I have so much to tell you..."

* * *

><p>Considering the people he left behind in the first compartment, Itachi wasn't surprised when he returned to it looking like a bomb had gone off. The only surprising part was that Deidara was still asleep and as such had nothing to do with it.<p>

Hidan had discovered the trunks on the luggage rack, and had ripped through three of them in the time time Itachi was away. Clothes and books and parchments were everywhere, and Itachi suspected the only reason Hidan hadn't up-ended the last three trunks was a lack of working room. (This was partially determined by the fact that the current trunk was precariously balanced on top of the other two, and partially by the fact that the sleeping Kakuzu had become a temporary bookshelf slash clothes hanger.)

The snack trolley must have been by, as Kisame had a small pile of candy in his lap and was currently eating something from a box labelled Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans. Hidan was leafing through a book to Itachi's surprise, a giant leather-bound tome with faded gold lettering on the side. He was muttering to himself as he read, and every once in a while he'd make a gesture with the stick he held firmly in his right hand.

Itachi pushed a pair of pants to the floor and took a seat beside Kisame, who offered Itachi some of the jelly beans he was eating. Itachi declined.

"Leader and Konan are also on the train," reported Itachi, deciding to leave out the bit about the mysterious third person for now.

Hidan completely ignored the news in favour of his book, but Kisame turned his head to listen.

"No sign of Zetsu or that kid who's always following him around?" asked Kisame.

"Not yet," Itachi confirmed.

"Too bad, I like those two. Maybe they'll show up later, they have a way of doing that." Kisame looked reflective for all of a moment before popping another bean in his mouth. "So we're waiting here until Leader comes and gives us an order, right?"

Itachi nodded. "There's not much we can do until Kakuzu, Deidara, and Sasori wake up anyhow."

"I'm awake."

Itachi's eyes flicked to the seat beside him, where Sasori was sitting completely unmoved save his now open eyes. "My apologies. It can be hard to tell with you at times."

Sasori, who looked grumpy at the best of times, was looking positively perturbed today. "Leader and Konan better not waste their time getting here. Deidara may be loud but at least he has some semblance of grace." His eyes wandered accusingly toward Hidan and his up-ended suitcases.

"Tough words coming from a ten year old." Hidan looked up from his book for the first time since Itachi entered. "The world's not over because I hit you in the face with some underwear. I said sorry, alright? Suck it up already." The exaggerated eye roll that followed only made Sasori frown harder.

"Whatever, I have better things to do than worry about whether or not some puppet fucker is pissed off at me. You'll all shut up when you see what I just learned. Incendio!"

With a wave of the stick in his hand the top book on Kakuzu's lap burst into flame. Kisame quickly put it out with a water jutsu, but Hidan didn't seem to care or notice. He was too busy grinning triumphantly and holding it his stick out for all to see.

"Y'see this? This right here is a _magic fucking wand_."

Sasori just gave Itachi a tired look that said, 'you see, this is what I put up with while you were gone.' Itachi himself couldn't help but feel sympathetic for Kakuzu, who had to suffer through the most Hidan per capita of them all.

Apparently this lack of response wasn't what Hidan was expecting. "I just set a book on fire with a stick, at least pretend to look excited."

"Were we supposed to care about your low level fire jutsu?," asked Sasori mockingly.

"Fine, then how about this?" Hidan pointed his wand at a pair of shoes this time, and they started dancing on their own. This elicited a laugh from Kisame, though it could have very well been out of pity.

Hidan leaned forward, his voice taking on a conspiratorial tone. "I don't think you guys realize what we've stumbled into here. This is real magic, and we have all we need to learn it right here. These books have all sorts of stuff in them. Potions... charms... curses..." He trailed off with a menacing grin.

"And?" asked Sasori.

"...And?" Hidan faltered. "What do you mean, 'and'? This is amazing! Think of all the new creative ways I'll be able to send sacrifices to Lord Jashin! I can make people's intestines squirm their way out of their bodies! I can explode their brains from the inside! I can burn them with a fire that will never go out!"

"I've heard more creative ideas from Deidara," stated Sasori, who obviously thought this to be a great insult.

At this point Hidan was flat out pissed. "What the hell is wrong with you guys? I just show you magic and you're acting like it's nothing!"

"I already witnessed magic when I was out in the hallway," explained Itachi.

"These Chocolate Frog cards are really informative," said Kisame with a shrug.

Hidan grumbled, waiting for Sasori's reason. "What about you, huh? Saw a flying pig out the window earlier?"

"No. I'm just not easily impressed."

An all-out war was avoided at this point by two things: Deidara stirring, and three people appearing at the door.

Konan of course was instantly recognisable, as was Pain... which left one person, who Hidan was sure he had never seen before in his life. And thus the first words Hidan ever spoke to Nagato face to face were, "Who's the emo guy in the middle with red hair?"

Nagato looked Hidan straight in the eye. "I am Pain."

Hidan looked doubtful at best, but being stared down by the rinnegan took some of the wind out of his sails. Jabbing a half-hearted thumb in the direction of Yahiko, Hidan grunted, "I thought that tool there was Pain."

"The one you have known as Pain is I and I alone," stated Nagato. By this point Deidara was awake enough to follow the conversation and snickered at Hidan, who shot him back the dirtiest glare he could muster.

Nagato chose to ignore the more childish members of the Akatsuki for now, and motioned to the man beside him, the one that up until today everyone had thought was Pain.

"This is Yahiko, founder of the Akatsuki. From today on, he will be your leader."

"_What_?" Any of the members' complaints were quickly drowned out by Yahiko's own. "Nagato, that's not what we agreed on!"

Nagato was not willing to hear his new leader's protests. "You're the rightful leader. It should be you."

"I'm happy you have faith in me and all, but they've been following you this entire time! You can't just switch leadership like that, the group will fall apart!" exclaimed Yahiko. Said group watched the exchange in utter silence. Their leader's personality was arguing with their leader's body, and it was an odd experience to say the least.

"This isn't up for discussion. You are the leader." Nagato's voice was firm and anyone else would have stopped arguing right there and then, but Yahiko wasn't going down without a fight.

"I said no!"

"My decision is final. I will not be swayed."

"You can't just make someone leader without their consent, Nagato! That's not how it works!"

"Then consent."

"No!"

"Then you will be leader without your consent."

"This is ridiculous! Since when were you so bull-headed, this isn't like you at all!"

"What you think I'm like is irrelevant."

"Nagato, you-!"

Hidan was certain he was about to watch the two 'Leaders' duke it out when Konan's voice cut through the argument.

"Enough!"

Every eye turned to Konan. Her face was a mask of icy calm, but it was clear that anger lurked beneath the surface. "We will discuss this later," she continued, and her tone left no room for argument.

Nagato, whose stoic, controlled demeanour hadn't faltered once during the altercation accepted Konan's interference easily. Yahiko wasn't as happy, but a warning look from Konan stopped him from voicing any complaints. (A similar warning look was used a moment later, when Deidara opened his mouth to comment on the scene, and convinced him very quickly to shut it.)

Now that the room was now under control and listening, Konan spoke to Nagato. "We came here for a debriefing on the situation," she reminded him.

Acting for all the world as if the last few minutes hadn't happened, Nagato addressed the Akatsuki.

"The reason is still unclear, but we have been transported to another dimension. Right now we are in a country called Scotland, and from the maps we've seen none of the countries we know exist in this place. This train is on its way to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and when we were brought here we seem to have also been enrolled at this school. We will play along with this for now.

"Our immediate goal is to find a means to transport us back home. The school is an ideal place for us to search for this information. You will act as students of this school in order to do this, and you will draw no unnecessary attention to yourselves until I order otherwise." Nagato's eyes lingered on Deidara and Hidan especially at this last point. "These people are peaceful civilians, but they are not powerless. Do not give them reason to use that power against you."

"Lastly, if anyone sees Zetsu or anyone else from our world, you're to report it immediately. Besides this I have nothing more to say until we are closer to our goal. Until then, don't disappoint me."

With a final look around the room, Nagato turned on his heel and left. Yahiko and Konan followed closely behind, and like that the rest of the Akatsuki were left to their own devices.


	2. The Stresses of the Sorting Ceremony

**ii. The Stresses of the Sorting Ceremony**

_(In which Tobi really should have brought a map and Hermione might just be on to something.)_

It was ironic, but it was the disappearance of his identity concealing mask that let Obito go unrecognised as the Akatsuki searched the train for their remaining members. Considering the circumstances, Obito didn't mind this one bit.

It hadn't taken him long to gain his bearings. He had been teleported and transformed along with the rest of the organization to a train full of civilian school children, somewhere along the line their trademark Akatsuki cloaks had been traded in for school uniforms, and it was likely that they were meant to attend school along side the actual students - something that wouldn't have interested him in the least if it weren't for the fact that this 'Hogwarts' they were headed to apparently taught magic.

Not ninjutsu or genjutsu, magic. Obito hadn't been aware that there was such a thing, but in five minutes in the train's corridor he'd seen enough flying books and dancing teacups to make him believe it was true.

This of course opened a lot of possibilities. If these were students and they could do things like this, just what could a fully trained wizard do? In any discipline there were basic techniques and dangerous, complex ones, and Obito would bet his money this magic was no different. And of course, the only logical thing to do when faced with an untapped wealth of new powers and techniques? Find the strongest and most destructive ones and take them for your own.

Obito had no question that Pain would be doing the same, but even for their magnificent leader keeping eight missing nin undercover was going to be a handful. For now the best course of action for Obito was to separate from the group; until Zetsu showed himself he had no obligation to make himself known. He'd let them draw all the attention towards themselves while he flew in under the radar, and then when the time was right he'd reveal himself (with a spectacular entrance and a well timed joke, of course.)

His mind already overflowing with possible gags, Obito transformed into an eleven year old version of himself before putting on the best cheesy, disarming grin he could muster and sliding open a compartment door at random.

* * *

><p>"Hi, I'm Tobi! Can I sit with you?"<p>

Harry wasn't sure what to make of the hopeful, too-innocent-to-actually-be-innocent face he was met with when the compartment door was opened for the second time that train ride. He'd hoped he wouldn't have to deal with gawking students until at least until the entrance feast, but he supposed that was asking too much.

"Well, er... actually..." he glanced at Ginny and Neville, who very aware of the downsides of their friend's fame. Neville just gave Harry a sympathetic look, while Ginny attempted to back Harry up, getting as far as opening her mouth before she was cut off by an airy voice from the corner.

"Yes, alright."

The three Gryffindors turned to the Ravenclaw in the window seat, wanting to protest but biting their tongues because Luna _had_ been there first, after all. With a happy 'whoo alright!' the first year quickly made himself at home beside Luna, and Harry resigned himself to hope that maybe this kid was muggleborn and had no clue who he was.

"Thanks!" said Tobi just a little too loudly, and Harry started mentally preparing himself for the longest train ride he'd ever had. "Finding a seat's impossible out there! I tried asking some of those green guys and they looked like they wanted to eat me." Tobi grimaced comically at this, his every movement and expression exaggerated.

"I'm glad you escaped unharmed, being eaten doesn't sound very pleasant," sympathized Luna. Ginny barely managed to hold back a laugh here at just how serious Luna sounded.

Luna held out her hand for the younger boy to shake, introducing herself. "My name is Luna Lovegood. I know what it's like to have a hard time finding a seat too, so don't worry. I think most people just don't realize how it feels to be left out, so they exclude people without thinking. It's still awfully rude of them, but they probably just don't know better."

Oh. Luna really did have a knack for laying out uncomfortable truths with brutal honesty, didn't she. Now feeling suitably guilty about having wanted to send the kid away, he gave him a small smile he hoped looked welcoming.

Ginny and Neville seemed to get the 'don't make the kid feel left out' memo as well, and made polite conversation with him and even shared some of their snacks from the food trolley. Tobi, in true first year style, seemed enthralled with everything they said, no matter how mundane. He was particularly taken with Neville's toad Trevor, who he claimed reminded him of his old teacher's pets and he thought was really cool. (This seemed to please Neville, who gave Tobi his last chocolate frog.)

It was all quite peaceful until the door opened for a third time, this time to Hermione and Ron, fresh from their prefect duties.

"I'm starving," said Ron, flopping onto the seat the moment he'd stored Pigwidgeon on the rack with Hedwig. Harry tossed him a chocolate frog, while Hermione started in on her report, business as always.

"Well, there are two fifth-year prefects from each house, a boy and a girl from each. Malfoy's Slytherin's of course-"

"Hey!" complained Ron, mouth full of frog, "I wanted to tell Harry that, where's your sense of suspense?"

Hermione gave him a withering look before continuing. "As I was saying. It's Malfoy and that troll Parkinson for Slytherin, Ernie MacMillan and Hannah Abbott for Hufflepuff, and Anthony Goldstein and Padma Patil for Ravenclaw. But _that's_ not important. We learned something else while we were out patrolling the hallway."

Harry couldn't imagine what could be more important than his arch rival Malfoy making Prefect, but given the look on Hermione's face he didn't think it wise to argue.

"The Head Boy and Girl couldn't tell us a thing about it," started Hermione seriously, "But in addition to the first years, somehow this year we're taking in even more new students, and these ones look like they're old enough to be in their fourth or fifth year!"

"Yeah!" added Ron, suddenly interested in the conversation. "And one of them's blue!"

Ginny pointed out that Ron had been blue before too, thanks to Fred and George, and Ron tried his best to explain how that was _completely_ different, while Hermione sat staring at Harry with an expectant look. When she got no response she gave an exasperated sigh.

"It's not normal! Wizards don't just do exchange programs the way muggles do, don't you remember how much of a big deal the Triwizard Tournament was? Wizards are secretive, Harry, they don't let just anyone come and see their schools. We haven't admitted a foreign wizard into our school in over 1000 years, so why now? There's something strange going on here, I know it."

Ron rolled his eyes, unwrapping a pumpkin pasty. "I already told you Hermione, you're overreacting about this. How dangerous can a few fourth years be?"

Hermione was right, it did seem odd, but at the same time Ron had a valid point as well. Harry had a hard time imagining that Voldemort would send a handful of fourteen year olds after him.

"Well..." started Harry, trying to be reasonable about the situation, "If they're going to Hogwarts then Dumbledore has to know about it, right? There's no way he'd let them come if there wasn't a good reason for it." Or if he didn't think he could handle them if they were a threat, Harry added mentally.

"Even Dumbledore's not perfect Harry," Hermione frowned, frustrated that she wasn't being taken seriously. "I trust him, but what if something slips past him like last year? You almost died, Harry. Cedric did die. We can't let him do all the work for us, we have to think for ourselves, too. Now that You-know-who is back-"

"Um, hey guys? Sorry to butt in and all, but you keep saying 'You-know-who', and I don't know who. Who are we talking about?"

All attention turned to a very curious Tobi, who everyone had forgotten was even there.

"Maybe we should talk about this later," suggested Neville.

"He's going to find out about it anyway," Ron pointed out.

"But dropping this kind of news on a muggleborn right when they learn they're a wizard is kind of cruel, isn't it?" worried Neville. "We'll have him scared out of his pants before he even gets to school."

"I won't be scared! I saw Senpai without his makeup once, and I didn't even scream!" piped Tobi, but no one paid him any attention.

"Good," said Harry. "He should be scared. Keeping him in the dark about this would be pointless. He needs to know so he can defend himself when Voldemort makes his move."

"Voldemort, is that You-know-who's name? It sounds kind of cheesy, he should look into updating his image..."

Everyone flinched at Harry's use of the name and again when Tobi repeated it. They all knew Harry was right, it had to be done. Tobi may be naive, but it was clear he was going to keep asking questions until they answered him. Biting the bullet, Hermione tried to explain.

"Yes, Tobi, that's his name. Most wizards won't say it because it brings back memories of all the horrible things he did while he was in power." The next question on Tobi's face clearly read '_what kind of horrible things?_', so Hermione hesitantly continued.

"You see... Voldemort believed that only witches and wizards with no muggles in their family tree were worthy of having magic. So he... did things to muggles and muggleborns, and anyone who sided with them. He killed and tortured people, Tobi. A lot of people. No one could stop him.

"But then fifteen years ago one of his curses backfired and he disappeared. Everyone thought he was dead, but he wasn't. Then last year he came back, and now he's out there somewhere right now gathering followers, and it's only a matter of time before he makes his move again." Hermione watched Tobi carefully as she finished, unsure about what kind of reaction he would have.

True to his word, Tobi didn't look scared about being told there was an evil wizard out there who killed people like him, but the really surprising part was how seriously he was taking the conversation. The stupid grin and naive attitude everyone had seen up until then had disappeared and been replaced another look, one that was world-worn and weary and looked completely out of place on his eleven year old features.

It didn't last long, and after a moment Tobi laughed, going back to his old self. "Wow, that's a lot to take in, huh? I guess I'll have to keep my guard up here."

The rest of the journey was largely uneventful, besides a rude visit from Malfoy near the end. Tobi proved to have an insatiable curiosity, and that first awkward Voldemort question unleashed what seemed like a never ending stream of questions about classes and houses and sorting and Quidditch and the castle and anything else you could possibly think of. Ron made a few snarky comments about the kid being an unbearable chatterbox, but for the most part the older students put up with his questions, taking turns answering them. By the end of the trip Tobi had learned more than he could have ever hoped, and Luna had even given him a copy of the Quibbler for further reading.

Eventually the train rolled into the station and it was time to say goodbye, (much to everyone's relief.) Giving his new friends one last wave, Tobi joined in with the gaggle of younger students, blending seamlessly into their ranks and disappearing.

"He was... nice," said Hermione, watching Tobi's back as he ran off.

"He was something alright," snorted Ron. "I just hope to god he doesn't get sorted into Gryffindor."

* * *

><p>"First years and new students, this way please! Line up here!"<p>

Instead of Hagrid, it was a short, stocky witch with short trimmed hair gathering the new students together this year. She didn't tower over the crowd the way Hagrid did, but she her voice was loud enough to make up for it.

Hogwarts' newest students flocked towards her, and sure enough among the pudgy eleven year old students were a handful of taller, older looking ones. The first years were giving them as wide of a berth as they could manage on the platform, and one or two of them looked just about ready to topple over onto the tracks in their attempt to distance themselves from their scary upperclassmen.

Once the woman was satisfied she'd rounded up the last of the students she was to deliver, she introduced herself.

"Good evening and welcome to your first year at Hogwarts. I am Professor Grubbly-Plank, and I will be guiding you to the castle tonight. Now let's not waste any more time, off we go." And with that she began the trek towards the castle with her hodge-podge pack of students trailing behind her.

"Damn, no wonder people were talking so much shit about us on the train," said Hidan as they squelched through the mud. "We're at least twice as tall as the rest of these kids. Besides Deidara and Sasori I mean, they're so tiny they blend right in."

"Pity your brain never caught up to the rest of your body," retorted Sasori.

Deidara snickered appreciatively. "I bet that's not the only thing that never caught up, un."

Hidan's angry shouts of '_What did you just say about my dick?!'_ were cut off by Professor Grubbly-Plank's admonishment of, "No fighting!"

Before long the group reached the edge of the lake where a fleet of small boats was tied up.

"Everybody in, four to a boat now. Keep low, careful not to rock them..." The professor watched carefully to make sure that everyone followed her directions and got in their boats safely.

As anyone who has completed fifth grade math can tell you, nine is not divisible by four, which meant one person would have to be in a boat with first years. Hidan happily volunteered for this job, much to the horror of the three first years he ended up with.

"Is leaving Hidan on his own like that going to be okay?" asked Yahiko to Konan as the boat they were sharing with Nagato and Itachi pushed off into the lake. Konan only smiled wryly, not answering with words.

To no one's surprise, Yahiko's fears were proven correct when halfway through the voyage there was a huge SPLASH and suddenly Hidan was the only person left in his boat. Professor Grubbly-Plank interrogated the sopping wet students once they had landed safely on the other side of the lake, but the first years insisted rather vehemently that it was an accident and that Hidan had nothing to do with it at all, so she begrudgingly let an incredibly smug looking Hidan get away with only a warning.

She counted them one last time to make sure none had been left behind, before leading them through a set of large oak doors to a hallway where a tall, stern looking woman was waiting for them.

"Here you are, Minerva, all accounted for," said Professor Grubbly-Plank, rather proud of herself considering the resistance she'd dealt with. In a whisper she added, "Watch out for the one with silver hair, he's a troublemaker."

"Thank you, Wilhelmina. I'll take them from here," replied Professor McGonagall, who with a call of '_this way_' began her trek through the castle to the Great Hall.

Up staircases, behind paintings, and through secret passages they went until finally they were led to a large open hallway and ushered into a small room beside a set of enormous doors. They could hear hundreds of muffled voices from the next room, it seemed that was where the rest of the school was waiting for them.

Professor McGonagall cleared her throat for attention before addressing the students. "Welcome all of you to Hogwarts, I am Professor McGonagall. In a moment, you will all be sorted into your new houses. Your house will be your family while you are here at Hogwarts, and you will earn or lose points for your house depending on your behaviour." She paused here to give a firm look of warning to Deidara, who had rather roughly pushed a smaller student away so he wouldn't have to stand by Itachi. "The four houses are Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, Gryffindor, and Slytherin. Each house has it's own unique strengths, and I hope you will all be a credit to the house you are sorted into."

A moment after she finished a scraggly looking man followed by a cat lurched into the room, and whispered a message into her ear. She nodded and he hurried off, leaving her once more with a room full of apprehensive students.

"We are ready for you now. Please follow me."

* * *

><p>Whoever had designed this castle knew a thing or two about making the layout so potential intruders would have a hard time invading, thought Obito. He knew going in that the castle was going to be something of a maze, but he had thought that was just civilians exaggerating. He had no idea it was going to be this bad.<p>

On the bright side, it made slipping away without McGonagall (and more importantly the rest of the Akatsuki) noticing amazingly easy; but on the down side it made finding anything nearly impossible. He had planned to look for the library first, but right about now he thought he'd settle for even finding a bathroom.

Figuring he could cover more ground with longer legs, Obito released his transformation and went back to his normal self. (That is, his fifteen year old self. Not exactly normal, but better than being eleven by far.) He was just about to turn around and try going left at the last turn instead of right, when he heard a voice behind him.

"You're a long way from the Great Hall, aren't you?"

Obito froze, his sharingan swirling into action. Someone had snuck up on him. How? He hadn't heard anyone in the hallway behind him, and there was nowhere for anyone to hide. Slowly turning on the spot, Obito was met with the very last thing he'd been expecting.

A ghost.

He was large and jolly looking, transparent, and floating in the air partially embedded in a wall. Well, that explained how he showed up out of nowhere, but even with that answer Obito wasn't sure what to do. Would genjutsu work on a ghost? Could he hurt it? Could it hurt him? What was it capable of? Would anyone miss it if he used Kamui on it?

The ghost laughed, apparently taking Obito's silence for shyness. "It's alright, it's easy to get lost in the castle your first time. You're one of those new students everyone's been talking about, yes? Come now, let's get you to the Great Hall before you miss the sorting. Maybe you'll end up in Hufflepuff, that's my old house you know..."

Obito figured he had two options here: he could run away and draw attention to himself, or he could go along with ghost's assumptions and search the castle later as a student. The first wasn't much of an option at all honestly, so he made the only real choice he could and allowed the babbling ghost to lead him back to the Great Hall and the awaiting feast.

McGonagall was on her fourth name when the Fat Friar came flying through the doors.

"Hold on Professor, don't start the sorting quite yet, you lost one in the halls!"

The doors creaked opened behind him, and in walked a very sheepish looking Tobi. Every face in the hall turned to him, wanting to see the boy who'd got lost on his way to the sorting. Not exactly the kind of entrance he'd planned to make.

"I found him all the way down by the kitchens, imagine that! It's lucky I was down there anyway to check on the feast, who knows when we would have found him!"

McGonagall looked surprised, but remained calm despite the whispers that were breaking out amongst the students. "The sorting has already started, Friar, but thank you for bringing the student back unharmed." She turned to Tobi. "Stand in the line with the others, please."

Everyone was gawking at the new student as he joined the other new students waiting to be sorted, but none more than the group at Gryffindor table.

"Is that... Tobi?" asked Ron incredulously.

"It has to be," Harry replied, doing his best not to gawk at the boy.

Tobi caught them looking, and gave them a smile and a wave. He was taller and older, the right side of his face was covered with an odd, swirled scar tissue, and he seemed to be missing an eye, but there was no doubt about it. It was definitely Tobi.

"I told you something was suspicious about the transfer students," whispered Hermione knowingly.

Deciding they had been held up long enough, Professor McGonagall called for attention. "Everyone, settle down now, we still have sorting to do."

Among the students waiting to be sorted, Tobi was scratching his head and giving his friends a dopey smile.

"Heh heh... sorry I'm late... Has anyone seen Zetsu, I can't find him anywhere."

Most of the others only gave Tobi a cursory once over before focusing back on the sorting, but Itachi watched him long after the others had lost interest. Tobi could feel himself faltering under the intensity of his gaze, so he attempted to escape by sidling around to where Deidara stood.

"Hey Deidara, I think there's something wrong with your shirt!" whispered Tobi, tugging on Deidara's sleeve.

Deidara raised an eyebrow, barely sparing Tobi a sideways glance. "What are you talking about?"

"You can't see your stomach in it! Don't tell me- did you get fat?!"

Tobi was only saved from Deidara's wrath by Professor McGonagall calling the blond up to the stool for his turn to be sorted.

Deidara was barely suppressing his anger as he made his way up on the stage, muttering and cursing about how Tobi was just too lucky for his own good. He pulled the hat onto his head a bit more violently than was strictly necessary, and nearly toppled the stool with the force he sat himself down with.

There was whispering amongst the students as they wondered where the first of the mysterious older students was going to be sorted. It took a minute, but after a bit of deliberation the hat declared, "SLYTHERIN!"

There were cheers from the table decked in green, and Deidara made his way over to sit with his new housemates, but not before making the 'I'm watching you' motion with his fingers at Tobi.

The crowd didn't have long to wait before the next Akatsuki was called, and in record time Hidan was put in Slytherin as well.

Then was 'Hoshigaki, Kisame'. The whispers started up again now, but considering he was the only blue skinned person in the hall that wasn't too surprising. He was put in Gryffindor, much to the glee of the Weasley twins.

There were a few more normal first years called before it was Kakuzu's turn at bat. He was placed in Slytherin, and looked downright livid when he realized he'd been sorted into the same house as Deidara and Hidan. Then came Konan who became the first Ravenclaw of the group, followed by Nagato as the first Hufflepuff, and then Sasori in Ravenclaw as well. When it came time for 'Uchiha, Itachi', the hat took its sweet time deciding, but eventually it settled on Hufflepuff.

It was right about then that Tobi realized what was causing that sinking feeling of dread that he felt when Itachi was called. They had already passed the letter 'T'.

His fears were confirmed only a moment later when McGonagall announced, "Uchiha, Obito".

It might not have caught the attention of the student body, but the use of the surname 'Uchiha' didn't escape the notice of the Akatsuki. Nor did the fact that it was 'Obito' and not 'Madara' that followed it. As Tobi stepped forward he could feel the distinct feeling of nine pairs of eyes piercing into the back of his skull.

Great. Just what he needed.

"All that work keeping my old identity secret just for a talking hat to ruin everything," he grumbled under his breath as the hat was placed on his head.

"I'm sorry the reveal wasn't quite as grand as you'd imagined," came a voice from inside his head.

Huh, they weren't kidding about the talking hat. Obito had been told about how the Sorting Hat worked on the train, but he couldn't help but be a little surprised upon actually hearing it. A hat that read minds... these wizards really came up with some interesting stuff.

"I guess this means you're going to probe my memories and decide my place based on that. A bit invasive, isn't it? Didn't your mother ever tell you it's rude to read people's minds without permission?"

"I've found that people don't mind if they have nothing to hide," said the hat, and Obito had to admit it had him there. "Now if you don't mind, I'd like to go ahead."

"Suit yourself. Don't blame me for anything you find there." And with that, Obito felt the hat's strange tendrils of foreign magic sifting through his memories.

"Hmm, now let's see... Oh my, taking over the world? And stepping on so many people to get there. It's been years since I saw ambition like this, and that's not a compliment. But that's not my place to judge... you certainly are effective in getting what you want, aren't you? There's a frightening level of dedication to your ideals here, or should I say, Madara's ideals... Hmm, but isn't this interesting, this girl here, from your past-"

That was enough for Obito, and he cut the hat off mid sentence before it could touch a sore spot. "To be honest, I don't care where I go as long as I don't end up with Itachi and Pain."

The hat barked in laughter at this. "You mean in Hufflepuff? Boy, you don't have a single Hufflepuff bone in your body, no need to worry about that. You've got some strong Gryffindor traits there, buried deep, but with the path you've chosen to follow right now you're much better suited for SLYTHERIN!"

The last word was shouted aloud for all to hear. As Obito removed the hat from his head, he couldn't help but wonder just how he was going to talk his way out of this one.


	3. EXTRA: Conversations With a Hat

**EXTRA: Conversations With a Hat**

_(In which if ever the Sorting Hat had a rough year, this was it.)_

_._

**Deidara**

_(Hats don't know shit about art.)_

Stupid, stupid Tobi. Why was he even here? It's not like he was anyone important, he was only Zetsu's assistant. Zetsu's incredibly childish, incompetent, aggravating assistant. Deidara knew that it was generally frowned upon to kill one of their own (despite Kakuzu getting away with it multiple times), but since Tobi wasn't an official member, maybe Pain would let it slide. Zetsu wouldn't miss him after all, Zetsu wasn't even here.

"Hehem," came a voice in his mind, startling Deidara out of his fantasies of bits of Tobi splattering on every horrified face in the hall. "As artistic as you may find it, I think it's wise to advise you that exploding another student while at Hogwarts might have the nasty side effect of landing you in Azkaban for a very long time."

Deidara didn't know what Azkaban was, but he knew a warning when he heard one. It definitely wasn't the first time he'd been told not to blow something up. It was the first time he'd been told off by a hat however, and he wasn't sure how to feel about it. He settled for annoyed.

"Whatever. You're supposed to assign me a table, aren't you? Just hurry up and get it over with, un."

"Patience now, sorting is very important and it's crucial it's done right. Much like art, wouldn't you agree?"

Deidara narrowed his eyes under the hat's floppy brim. "What would a dirty old hat know about art?"

"More than you'd think," the hat chuckled. "Now let's see... so many of your memories are of war and battle, but I should be able to work with this. I haven't been around this long for nothing you know. Your use of explosions is very well-timed and precise. It takes a clever, cunning mind to strategize the way you do... You've clearly put a lot of thought into your fighting style, as gruesome and unnecessary as I find killing to be."

Deidara snorted derisively. First the hat thought it knew about art, and now it thinks it knows about combat. What's next? The meaning of life?

"I do have a few theories on that as well, but I don't have time to get into it right now." Apparently the hat had picked up on Deidara's thoughts. "I don't think we'd agree, anyway. I've seen your plans for yourself and your art, that one perfect explosion you're waiting for... well, you are very dedicated to walking your own path, I'll give you that. For the way you've chosen to relentlessly pursue your ambitions, you should do well in SLYTHERIN!"

Deidara's relief at being free of the stinky, ragged, know-it-all hat almost made him forget to threaten Tobi when he was done.

Almost.

* * *

><p><strong>Hidan<strong>

_(The colour of his soul is blood red, by the way.)_

It was with the same casual arrogance that Hidan did everything else that he addressed the Sorting Hat when it was placed on his head.

"Alright hat, lay it on me. Tell me what colour represents my soul, or whatever it is you do."

"In a better mood than your friend was, that's good to see. Now what sort of person have you... oh. Ah. ...Hmm."

"So impressed by my radiant personality you're speechless, huh?"

"Actually I was wondering if it was possible for hats like myself to vomit. I was worried about that last ninja fellow, but after what I've just seen in your head he seems perfectly well adjusted in comparison. As much as I don't wish your presence upon anyone... Hopefully they'll be equipped to handle someone like you in SLYTHERIN."

* * *

><p><strong>Kisame<strong>

_(Somehow the Hidden Mist managed to produce at least one decent individual.)_

"Oh no, not another one... I was created to sort school children, not mercenaries."

Kisame laughed. "Heh, sorry about that. If it makes you feel better the worst is over. Hidan's kind of off even by our standards."

"That does make me feel a bit better actually, thank you." So far this third ninja to sort was the hat's favourite. Sure, he had mounds upon mounds of awful, violent memories just like the last two, but at least this one minded his manners. And better than some of the first year students at that.

The hat began digging, finding memories that spoke of dedication, loyalty, bravery, and a strong moral code among the blood and gore. This easily narrowed the hat's choices down to two.

"You have the dedication and steadfastness of a Hufflepuff here, and the fierce, unbreakable will of a Gryffindor. But which is better for you, I wonder..." The hat hemmed and hawed, apparently stuck on a decision.

"You sound like you need a little help," commented Kisame, who had waited patiently while the hat mulled over its decision. "How's this. We'll flip a coin, heads Hufflepuff, tails Gryffindor. Whichever we get is where I end up."

"That's just something a Gryffindor would come up with," chuckled the hat. "No... that was just the little pushed I needed. You aren't afraid of taking chances, and in the end your sense of justice is what drives you, so you'll go to GRYFFINDOR!"

* * *

><p><strong>Kakuzu<strong>

_(Time is money so don't waste mine.)_

The first thing the hat did when placed on Kakuzu's head was laugh.

"A little old to be attending school, aren't we?"

Kakuzu grunted. He so didn't have the patience to take shit from an inanimate object right now.

Apparently the hat sensed this. "Oh all right, no need to fantasize about shredding me. I'll get straight to business. You do have quite the mind for it you know, business that is... You're very clever, especially with numbers. You've enough talent in that area to put you in the running for Ravenclaw, but your application of these talents is a bit more... along the lines of Slytherin, to put it bluntly. You know what you want and you go and get it, an admirable trait to be sure... but if I may say so, money isn't everything."

"If I want financial advice I'll ask a banker," growled Kakuzu. "Get to the point before I lose my patience."

"And it's just that ruthlessness that made my decision an easy one. You'll be right at home in SLYTHERIN!"

The hat was removed from his head, and Kakuzu looked to his new table where Deidara and Hidan were already waiting. He turned to McGonagall.

"I changed my mind, give me the hat again."

"Unfortunately Mr. Kakuzu, all decisions are final," said Professor McGonagall, quirking her eyebrow. "Please have a seat at Slytherin table."

Grumbling, Kakuzu obeyed.

* * *

><p><strong>Konan<strong>

_(Sometimes you learn more by listening.)_

The crowd whispered as the only female in the Akatsuki took her seat on the stool at the front of the hall.

The hat leafed through memories of her past, her struggles as an orphan with Nagato and Yahiko, her training under Jiraiya, the formation of the Akatsuki, to when it all fell apart, and was picked up by a mysterious masked man that it was clear she had never trusted for a second.

Just like the others before her, her memories were overwhelmingly of battle and death, of tactics and planning for the next fight. She wasn't as blood thirsty as some of the others, but instead killed with precision and definite objectives.

"You use your brain, unlike some of your friends before you. You love your friends very dearly, but being calm and rational, those are your defining traits. Yes... I think you'll do well in RAVENCLAW!"

Konan stood just as silently as she had listened to the hat's opinions, and made her way to her new table.

* * *

><p><strong>Nagato<strong>

_(To not take God seriously is a sin.)_

"So this is the mighty leader. Strange, I expected someone taller."

The Sorting Hat was met with an icy mental silence the likes of which he hadn't experienced in 900 years.

"...Not in the mood for jokes I see. It wouldn't hurt to take yourself a little less seriously you know."

Despite its suggestion, the Sorting Hat didn't think this was likely to happen. Not allowing itself to take the silence personally, the hat hemmed to itself, mulling over its choices.

"All right all right... let's see. You have the cleverness of a Ravenclaw, a Gryffindor-esc sense of justice, and a Slytherin's ability to see things through no matter the cost. It's not often that I come by a type like you... Truly you could fit in anywhere, if you wanted to.

"Still, I can't help feeling that if things had been different, you would have ended up on a much different path. As a child, you were so loyal and dedicated to your friends, and to bettering the world... and you still are, albeit with different means.

"Go back to your roots and reexamine your view of the world. I'm putting you in the house I know you would have been in if we had met before Yahiko's death. I only hope they can help you realize that hope is not lost, and that you find your way again. HUFFLEPUFF!"

And so the leader of the Akatsuki was sorted and left to think about the hat's last words to him.

* * *

><p><strong>Sasori<strong>

_(Hats don't know shit about art: The Sequel.)_

"Sasori of the Red Sand, huh? Let's see what mysteries the artist's mind reveals."

Sasori rolled his eyes, coming to much the same conclusion than Deidara did. (That hats knew nothing of art, and as such this patchwork monstrosity was mocking him.) This entire mission was pedantic, and Sasori loathed being forced to participate. Just because he looked eternally a teenager didn't mean he wanted to pretend to be one. It was only his ninja training that kept him from tapping his foot impatiently while the Sorting Hat probed his memories.

"Such a curious mind... only interested in the next discovery, no patience for those who bore you or hold you back. While the, err, human puppets are a little less than ethical..." (Sasori snorted at this,)" ...you make your own path in life, and while it may not always be an ethical one, it's the one that's true to your ambitions.

Ravenclaw will help you further your art and expand your horizons. RAVENCLAW!"

There was cheering from the table decked in blue, and the hat was removed from Sasori's head. Features as impassive as ever, he made his way over and sat next to Konan.

Well, at least he wasn't stuck with Hidan.

* * *

><p><strong>Itachi<strong>

_(If only Ravenclaw knew the talent they missed out on.)_

Itachi hadn't failed to notice that 'Tobi' hadn't been called before he was. Whether or not he truly was the Uchiha Madara... well, that was yet to be seen.

"This Madara you're so worried about will get his turn, don't worry. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to focus on you."

Itachi gave the mental equivalent of a nod, and the Sorting Hat took this as its signal to continue.

"You've a bright mind here, one of the brightest I've seen in a long time. But you've been saddled with responsibilities too heavy for one of your years... The fact that you're in one piece still is a testament to your amazing resilience. You love your village and your brother dearly, and somehow you've never strayed from your duties no matter the hardship it meant for you.

"Such self-sacrificial loyalty is a rare trait, and while some may think the lengths you've gone to are extreme, I believe your sacrifices are truly admirable. I'm left with only one choice, and that's HUFFLEPUFF!"

* * *

><p><strong>Yahiko<strong>

_(Screw sorting, I want information.)_

"Ah, the last one of the night. And another one of you ninja types, too... Ah yes, let's see..."

Only one thought came to mind when Yahiko realized how the hat sorted the students.

"You read Madara's mind, too."

"Madara?" The hat paused at this. "You mean that boy Obito who came through before you? I did, yes, but I don't see what that has to do with-"

"Tell me," said Yahiko, cutting through the hat's blather. "What's his part in this? What's he up to, what has he got planned?"

An uneasy silence floated through Yahiko's head. When the hat spoke again, it had the feel of someone who was choosing their every word very carefully.

"In all my many years, this is the first time I've been asked such a thing. A human's mind is a very personal thing... and the things I learn are not for me to say. His thoughts and memories lie safe with me, just as yours will when you are done."

"Cut the bullshit," growled Yahiko, not interested in a conversation of ethics with a shabby old hat. "You saw the things he's done. He's dangerous. He's been using the Akatsuki all this time, and even Nagato might not be strong enough to escape him unscathed. If Madara has his way-"

"Then don't let him have his way," countered the hat smoothly. "I have seen what he is capable of, but I have seen what you and your friends are capable of as well. As long as you stick together, you will be able to overcome anything that may happen."

Yahiko didn't respond, but the Sorting Hat could tell that he wasn't satisfied. Sighing, it continued.

"Remain brave and true to your friends, young Yahiko. They believe in you, so you must trust in them as well. GRYFFINDOR!"


	4. Dinner and a Show

**iii. Dinner and a Show**

_(In which everyone gets settled in and no one gets what they bargained for.)_

At last Yahiko was Sorted into Gryffindor, and Professor McGonagall rolled up her parchment and cleared the Sorting Hat from the stage for another year. When she was done an ancient man, older than any of the Akatsuki had ever seen, rose from his seat and motioned for silence.

"To our newcomers, welcome!" Dumbledore beamed, looking fondly around the hall, his arms open wide. "And to our old hands - welcome back! Normally I would wait until everyone was full and content before boring you with announcements, but there are a few matters I would like to address before anyone finds themselves lulled off to sleep by a stomach full of delicious food."

"As I'm sure you've all noticed, a few of our first years are a little taller than the rest. They are, as you may have guessed, transfer students. They have come to us from a secretive far off nation, and it is our pleasure to host them for this school year. They will be joining fifth year classes along with the rest of the house they have been Sorted into." Whispers ran through the crowd, and Dumbledore gave them a moment to quiet down before continuing.

"While it is very unusual for us to accept students from outside Great Britain, and even more so to accept students of their age, I hope every one of you will help them feel welcome and accepted here at Hogwarts, and let them enjoy the welcoming feast without bombarding them without too many questions. You'll have plenty of time to get to know them over the coming year."

"With that out of the way, we have two changes in staffing to announce this year. For Care of Magical Creatures we are pleased to welcome back Professor Grubbly-Plank." The witch who had guided the first years across the lake stood, and there was a smattering of applause. When she sat down again, Dumbledore continued. "We'd also like to welcome Professor Shacklebolt, who will be teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts."

A tall, dark skinned man rose from his seat at this introduction. A few of the older students with family at the Ministry of Magic raised their eyebrows when they realized just who they were looking at.

"What's Kingsley doing here?" whispered Ron. "He's mad important he is, he's one of our key sources of information at the Ministry."

Harry was frowning. "He's supposed to be in charge of finding Sirius, isn't he?"

"Obviously if they've brought him here, he has an important job to do," said Hermoine, studying their ally turned professor as he retook his seat at the head table. "The question is what."

Once again, Dumbledore picked up his speech. "As it always has been, the Forbidden Forest is out of bounds to all those with a healthy fear of pain. Mr. Filch would like to remind you that magic is forbidden in the hallways between classes, as are Fanged Frisbees, fireworks of any kind, and numerous other things, a list of which can be viewed on the door to Mr. Filch's office."

"Quidditch tryouts will be held in the second week of term, please see your team captain for more information."

The Headmaster gave one last look around the room, nodding to himself minutely.

"I do believe that is all. Tuck in."

* * *

><p>All at once a feast appeared on the tables. Without any ado everyone dug in, happy to fill their stomachs after their long train ride to school.<p>

"Holy shit, look at all this!" exclaimed Hidan, boggling at the mountain of food before him. With no hesitation he tipped an entire ham onto his plate and ripped into it with the table manners of a wild bear.

Deidara, however, was less impressed by the food. He continued to glower at Tobi, as he had been doing since he first arrived at the table.

Tobi chuckled nervously, avoiding Deidara's gaze. "Ah, can you stop staring at me like that? You're making me blush."

If pissing Deidara off even more was Tobi's plan, he succeeded.

"Cut the shit. What do you have to say for yourself, Uchiha?" Deidara all but spat the last word, as if the surname was poison.

"You can just call me Tobi you know... It hurts my feelings when you're so formal and distant, I thought we were better friends than that."

"We're not friends, un," hissed Deidara. "I'll never be friends with someone with those dirty cheating eyes."

"But that doesn't make sense..." Pushing the potatoes around on his plate, Tobi pouted. It almost looked cute, if you ignored all the scarring. "I've only got one eye."

Hidan snorted through his mouthful of pig. "He's got you there." Deidara recoiled in disgust as bits of food sprayed in his direction.

"You know what I mean," Deidara growled, wiping spittle from his face. "I'm watching you. Don't forget it, un."

"Ahh, scary scary..."

It seemed like he was off the hook for now, so Tobi went back to his dinner. He was deciding between roast beef or pork sausages when the peace was broken by blonde wizard with pointed features and a hairstyle that resembled Hidan's. Pushing a first year out of the way to make room for himself, he sat down beside the new students.

"Enjoying the feast I see. Hogwarts has got some of the best cooking elves around, the food here is always top quality," said the boy, who was quite obviously none other than Draco Malfoy. Tobi looked up from his food for a moment, but quickly went back to it. The other three didn't even glance at the boy. Vaguely irritated but not cowed, Malfoy tried again. "I didn't catch your surnames during the Sorting, sorry. What were they again?"

Kakuzu snorted, answering for all of them. "None of your business." He was grumpier than usual, still pissed off about having his nose broken, and rightfully so. Upon waking up he had tried to beat the shit out of Hidan, only stopping after being (not so gently) reminded that they weren't to draw attention to themselves, and that a gaping hole through Hidan's stomach would definitely qualify as 'drawing attention'.

Malfoy was slightly taken aback at bluntness he was brushed off with, but years of strict pureblood socialization kept the surprise from showing on his face. Dumbledore had said they were secretive after all, a challenge was to be expected.

"Well my name is Malfoy. Draco Malfoy. You may have heard of my family, we have a lot of influence even in Asia." He presumed that was where their country must be, seeing as despite their strange hair and eye colours, the rest of their features were decidedly East Asian.

"Nope, never heard of you," shrugged Hidan carelessly, taking a gulp straight out of a jug of pumpkin juice. "Guess you're not as famous as you think."

Shaking off the insult, Malfoy soldiered on.

"No? ...Well, anyhow. You must be very talented wizards if you were allowed to join our school at your age. Hogwarts has very high standards, we're the most prestigious wizarding school in Britain you know. If find yourself needing any help at all, with classes or anything else, feel free to ask... I have connections, you see, and I'm always willing to help a Slytherin in need." _For a price _was unspoken, but Draco had a feeling that his new housemates understood.

They had hardly spoken for five minutes, but Hidan, Kakuzu, and Deidara could already tell what sort of person this Draco was, and they weren't impressed. He was a politician. Good with words and pulling strings, but never willing to get his own hands dirty. None of them had any intention of wasting their time on him.

Tobi, on the other hand, loved wasting time.

"Ah, thanks! I thought this table looked kinda evil and scary, but you're pretty nice." Tobi smiled. Draco decided not to mention that it was a bit hypocritical for the kid with one eye to be calling other people scary looking. "You must be really good at magic huh? I mean, you've been doing it for five years. I haven't used my wand even once so far... actually, I think I might've left it on the train..." Tobi laughed, rubbing his neck sheepishly.

Draco raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean you've never used your wand? You are a wizard, aren't you?" Tobi must mean he just got a new one, it was the only way Draco could make sense of it. There was no way a bunch of Squibs could get into Hogwarts, let alone Slytherin.

"Magic is different where we're from," explained Tobi. "Actually, I don't know if you'd really call it magic at all, it's a lot different than what you guys do here... I never saw a single dancing teacup back home, but here I've seen _at least _three."

He hated to admit it, but Tobi had caught Draco's interest. "Different how?" he ventured, doing his best to keep his voice as even as possible.

"We use our hands, for one," said Tobi. He did some exceptional jazz hands to illustrate.

Reasonably, Draco was skeptical. The idea of magic with hands went against everything he'd ever been taught. "I've never heard of doing magic that way. How does that work? I don't see how you could focus the magic for a spell if you don't have a wand."

Tobi hemmed to himself, tapping his chin thoughtfully. Across the table, Deidara was certain Tobi was going to give out their ninjutsu related secrets and was glaring at him in preemptive disdain. Tobi, of course, completely ignored him.

"It's like... you know... you just... It's kind of hard to explain," said Tobi finally. "It's easier if I just show you instead."

"Oh? Let's see then." Malfoy was playing it cool, but he was genuinely curious to see what this foreign wizard would come up with. If he was lucky, it might be something that could give him an edge against Potter.

"Alright. Here comes my super secret special trick."

"Tobi..." came the warning from Deidara, but Tobi put his hand up for silence.

Quite a few of the Slytherins were watching now. Tobi plucked a grape off the table, holding it between his thumb and pointer finger for all to see. "Ahem ahem. You see this grape? Watch carefully." Hidan stopped eating to watch, and even Kakuzu looked on with something vaguely resembling interest. "I will now make it... disappear!"

With a flourish he pushed the grape into his empty left eye socket, hiding it from sight. "Tadaah!"

Hidan burst out in howling laughter. Kakuzu wordlessly went back to his meal like he expected no better, and Deidara and Malfoy were left feeling something between disgust and shock.

"Thank you, thank you!" said Tobi, standing up and bowing for his audience. Kakuzu elbowed Hidan in the ribs to shut him up, which stopped the laughter, but had the unfortunate side effect of setting him off on a tirade about fun-hating old men instead. Somehow Tobi and Deidara were pulled into the argument, and soon half the Great Hall was staring at the Slytherin table because of the ruckus.

Malfoy couldn't remember a time in his life when he felt more second-hand embarrassment than he did right then. Excusing himself, he went to find himself a seat as far away from the transfer students as possible.

* * *

><p>Telling Ravenclaws not to ask questions was like asking a bird not to fly; it was pointless. From the moment she sat down, Konan was bombarded with questions ranging from sensible ("Where are you from?" "What sort of magic do they teach in your country?"), to frivolous, ("What's your favourite colour?" "Do you prefer fiction or non-fiction?"), all the way to vaguely invasive ("Do you have a boyfriend?" "Just where else have you got pierced?").<p>

She answered politely but concisely, (with the exception of the more personal questions, which were met only with an icy stare.) It was a relief when Sasori joined her at the table, the addition of another new toy drawing enough of the attention away from herself that she had a moment to breathe.

If Konan had been keeping the Ravenclaws at arm's length with her distant formalities, then Sasori was about to double that by keeping them farther away than Orochimaru's tongue could stretch.

Which is to say, he wanted absolutely nothing to do with them. Ravenclaw house, unfortunately, did not seem to get the message. The more he ignored him the more it piqued their interest.

The questions slowed down only the slightest bit when the food appeared. Sasori found solace in hoping that one of them would choke themselves to death while trying to interrogate him and eat at the same time.

If only it could be that easy. They weren't the smartest house for nothing, and it wasn't long before one of them noticed that while Konan had helped herself to a nice bowl of soup, Sasori's plate was suspiciously empty. Cue a fresh round of questions.

"Are you going to eat something? There's lots to choose from, I'm sure there's something you'll like..."

"Maybe it's something to do with customs where he's from, it could be he's waiting for someone else to serve him."

"But Konan helped herself. I guess he could just be shy, it would explain why he hasn't said much..."

"You mean anything."

"Maybe he's allergic to something."

"Oh! I bet you're right! Do you have any allergies, Sasori? I can tell you what's in everything, they're all very basic dishes really..."

While all this was going on, a huge serving of mashed potatoes was piled on to his plate, followed by gravy, peas, and at least three dumplings provided by someone who obviously had a personal taste for them. Sasori scowled at the mound of food with every bit of disdain he held in his diminutive body, shoving it away from himself and upturning a gravy boat in the process.

"I don't eat."

The Ravenclaws stared when they finally got their answer. It took a moment for one of the older years to hesitantly speak up.

"What do you mean you don't eat? Everyone eats!"

"I dislike nosy people," stated Sasori, not bothering to answer the question. "Smarten up and mind your own business."

"But the physiology of the human body states that-hrmphhh!"

With a single flick of Sasori's finger, one of the gravy soaked dumplings found itself lodged in the mouth of the would-be biologist, effectively muffling the question. Sasori looked around the table, meeting everyone's frightened stares. The only one unaffected was Konan, who only gave Sasori a cursory look before going back to her soup.

"You all seem to have a lot of interest in 'where I'm from', so here's a lesson. Where I'm from, those who don't show others respect get none shown in return. Understand?"

The rest of dinner was pleasantly quiet at Ravenclaw table. Konan had to admit, Sasori had an impressive way of dealing with people.

* * *

><p>After the feast, the Prefects lead all the new Gryffindors up to their new home away from home. The Gryffindor common room was warm and inviting like always, full of velvet and tapestries and plush chairs that looked comfortable enough to sleep in. A bit crowded and noisy by shinobi standards, but Yahiko supposed that was just one more thing for the growing list of stuff he was going to have to get used to in this world.<p>

At least he had ended up with one of the more pleasant members of Konan and Nagato's new Akatsuki. Kisame's polite speech was a bit weird for such an intimidating looking guy, but Yahiko would take formalities over religious rants any day. The only real regret he had with the Sorting was that he hadn't ended up in the same house as Madara, which meant he'd have to wait shake him down for answers about the whole 'Obito' thing. And the meddling with the Akatsuki thing. And... well, there was a lot Yahiko wanted to know from Madara.

Apparently Yahiko wasn't the only one with questions. He had noticed one group of students, two of which he recognised as the Prefects, who were looking at them more frequently and more suspiciously than anyone else so far. While the other students looked at them with mild curiosity, these three were watching with calculating gazes that were honestly surprising coming from civilians.

It might just be nothing, but Yahiko wouldn't be a proper shinobi if he allowed this sort of thing to go unchecked. He turned to Kisame, who had been inspecting the common room's portraits.

"We're drawing a lot of attention, huh?" commented Yahiko. To any outsiders he was just striking up casual conversation, but any ninja worth their salt would notice him making the subtle hand signals for '_we're being watched_'.

"Well, I am blue..." replied Kisame, keeping up the small talk while signing back '_ten o'clock five meters_', confirming that he had noticed as well.

"You know they say people stare the most at people they find attractive," Yahiko smirked, this time signing, '_keep and eye on them_.'

Razor sharp teeth glinted in the candlelight as Kisame laughed. "Right, and Kakuzu spends time with Hidan out of the goodness of his heart." Kisame's final signal was clear. '_Understood_.'

A minute or two later, they were approached by a set of twins that had introduced themselves earlier as Fred and George. Fred slung his arm over Kisame's shoulder, and Kisame allowed himself to be pulled to the side.

"Good feast, huh? How've you been settling in so far?"

"Can't complain," replied Kisame. He had a feeling that these two wanted something, and he quickly found out his suspicion was correct.

"Good, good. So mate, now that you're one of us, there's one question that's been on all our minds."

"The proverbial elephant in the room, as it were," added George helpfully.

"We don't mean to be tactless-"

"-But let's face it-"

"Everyone's been wondering and they're just going to make something up if they don't find out the real answer."

"So without beating around the bush here, why are you blue?"

Kisame barked out a laugh. He had to hand it to these kids, they sure didn't waste any time. They were right though, there hadn't been a minute since he arrived on the train that people hadn't been whispering about him. Telling these two so they could spread the news was probably more efficient than explaining it constantly to whoever asked, so he might as well. The twins at this point were exchanging looks, unsure if maybe they had touched a nerve, so Kisame grinned to reassure them.

"I was born like this."

Their eyebrows raised in unison.

"Hair and all?"

"Hair and all," nodded Kisame.

He could almost see the gears working in their brains as they tried to comprehend it.

"Born that way... blimey, well that's one I never would've guessed. We figured you must've had an accident with some sort of dyeing potion or got off bad in a fight with a magic marker as a kid... But hey, if you were born like that then that's just how you are. Kind of lucky actually, we accidentally turned our sister blue once and Mum just about had a fit. But anyway..." George's voice lowered here, and pulled Kisame close. "If anyone tries to say anything to you because of your skin, you come tell us. We'll make sure they're put right. Okay?"

Kisame nodded, amused by the protectiveness of these kids he'd only just met. "Yeah, alright."

"Good." Fred gave Kisame a friendly clap on the back, and turned to George. "Well Georgie, we better get back to making our rounds. The product isn't going to sell itself." And with a nod and a wink, the twins were back in the crowd, doing what they did best.

Yahiko watched the twins retreat, and then gave Kisame a questioning look. Kisame only shrugged.

* * *

><p>Ernie MacMillan hadn't expected his house would get the solemn transfer students with the freaky eyes, but he was a Prefect darn it, and as a Prefect it was his duty to make every Hufflepuff feel welcome, even the scary, unapproachable ones.<p>

He had let them be during the feast, (Dumbledore had asked as much after all,) but now that he had lead them through the barrels and into the Hufflepuff common room, it couldn't be put off any longer. Sticking out his chest so the shiny P badge on his chest was unmissable and with Susan in tow, he mustered up his courage and approached his new roommates.

...Or, roommate. It seemed that Nagato had already retreated to their room, leaving only Itachi seated on one of the couches, quietly reading a text book. Still, one was better than none, Ernie supposed. He wasn't about to let this get him down.

"Hello! I'm Ernie MacMillan, and this is Susan Bones! We wanted to officially welcome you to Hogwarts, and more importantly to Helga Hufflepuff's noble house!" He held out his hand for a shake, determined to be as official as possible. Itachi accepted with a polite 'thank you'.

"As you can see, Susan and I are Prefects," he motioned to the girl beside him, who indeed was wearing the same shiny P shaped badge on her uniform as he did, "Which means you can come to us with any questions or problems you have. That's what we're here for, after all!" Ernie beamed.

"I'll be sure to remember that. Thank you," answered Itachi.

Emboldened by Ernie's success with the transfer student, some of the other students decided to to speak up and make their move to befriend their new housemates. The first was a round faced blonde girl who looked about their age.

"Your name is Itachi Uchiha, right?" she asked shyly.

Itachi internally winced at his name being said backwards, but that was how everyone seemed to do it here so he nodded. "Yes."

"My name is Hannah Abbott... I'm in the fifth year with you just like Ernie and Susan."

"It's nice to meet you, Hannah. I look forward to studying with you, please take care of me."

It was just typical polite introduction, but judging by the way Hannah and Susan giggled when he said it, Itachi guessed it wasn't exactly a common thing to say in this culture. He made a mental note to look into Scotland-appropriate greetings.

Now that they knew Itachi wasn't going to bite their heads off, the girls ventured another question. This time it was a little more daring.

"Are eyes like yours common where you're from? I've never seen anything like them before. They're beautiful, but a little shocking, too..." They trailed off, mesmerised by Itachi's Sharingan.

"They aren't very common." _Thanks to me_, Itachi added mentally. "These eyes are unique to my family."

"Oh! Does that mean that Slytherin Obito has eyes like yours too?" asked Hannah innocently.

A new voice spoke up before Itachi could answer. "You mean the one with the messed up face? He only had one eye and it was black." A grouchy looking blonde boy who was lounging in a particularly squishy armchair was promptly scolded for the insensitivity of this remark by Susan, while Hannah apologised profusely to Itachi.

"Zacharias! Don't be so rude! He has the same last name as Itachi, what if they're brothers?! ...He's not your brother, is he?" The girls looked horrified at the possibility.

"No. He's a distant cousin," replied Itachi, and both Susan and Hannah melted in relief. Zacharias Smith however, saw an opening for the questions he had been dying to ask ever since the transfer students had walked into the hall, and wasn't going to let a bit of telling off stop him.

"So if you're only cousins you don't mind if I ask what's up with his face, right?" He asked, leaning forward in his chair with eagerness. "How does something like that even happen to someone our age? Did he get hit with a nasty curse or something? And how come his good eye is on the swirly side and not on the normal side? It doesn't make sense!"

There were cries of '_Zacharias!' _and '_Don't make me take points from my own house_!'. Itachi of course, didn't mind at all. If anything, he thought they were good questions. Unfortunately, it wasn't something he knew the answer to.

"Sorry, I don't know much about him. We're not close."

"Oh." Realizing that he wasn't going to get any juicy details out of Itachi, Zacharias flopped back in his arm chair. The rest of Hufflepuff sighed a breath of relief.

There was an awkward silence, but luckily the Hufflepuffs were saved from trying to figure out what else to say to Itachi when Nagato entered the common room. Stirred on by his success with Itachi, Ernie went to greet his reclusive housemate, hand out and ready for a shake.

In a perfect world, things may have gone smoothly. Ernie would shake Nagato's hand and Nagato would smile and tell Ernie how he relied on Ernie's guidance as a Prefect. They would laugh and get to know each other and become fast friends.

What actually happened was that Nagato walked straight past Ernie's outstretched hand without so much as a glance, heading straight for the door.

Ernie was taken aback, but he wouldn't be a Hufflepuff if he didn't give Nagato the benefit of the doubt. As evenly as he could, he asked, "Erm, Nagato, I don't mean to pry, but where are you going?"

"That's none of your business," was the curt reply.

That cut it. Nagato was being blatantly disrespectful, and Ernie wasn't having any of it. Puffing himself up, he asserted his new authority, placing himself between Nagato and the door.

"Excuse me, but I am a Prefect. I understand that you're new, but the rules state that students aren't to be in the hallways after 10 o'clock, and it is currently 10:32 pm. I'm going to have to ask you to stay in the common room for the night. I'm sure whatever you need to do can wait until tomorrow."

This may have worked on a normal Hufflepuff, but unfortunately for Ernie, Nagato was anything but normal. Nagato didn't say a word in response, and instead let his eyes tell Ernie just what he thought of being told what to do. Frozen to the spot by the intensity of Nagato's stare, Ernie couldn't do a thing as Nagato stepped past him and disappeared into the dark hallway.

It took a minute for the shock of what had just happened to wear off. When it finally did, Ernie was livid.

"I can't believe he just did that!" he exclaimed. "I'm a Prefect!"

"Wow, that was bad ass," was Zacharias's appraisal. "I wonder if that glare will work on Snape when he catches him out of bed?"

"We should go after him, what if he gets lost in the castle?" worried Hannah, ignoring Zacharias's sarcasm. "Some of the castle's traps can be really dangerous if you don't know where they are, he could get really hurt! If we go now, we should be able to catch him before he gets too far."

Sensing things were getting out of hand fast, Itachi stepped in while there was still time to save the situation.

"If you go after him, you'll just be in the way."

Ernie opened his mouth to argue, but Itachi cut him off before he could start.

"If you let him be, he'll be back on his own. You don't need to worry about him getting lost or hurt, he won't." Ernie still didn't look convinced, so Itachi continued. "The more people out of bed, the more points you'll lose. Larger groups are more likely to get caught. Following him will just bring unwanted attention to him breaking the rules."

"He's right... We'll never win the House Cup if we all lose points right off the bat..." There was a murmur of agreement at this.

Ernie wasn't happy about letting someone break the rules, and Susan wasn't happy about abandoning Nagato to get lost in the castle on his first night, but both of them could see the rest of Hufflepuff losing heart. "...You're _sure_ he'll make it back alright?"

Itachi nodded. "Positive."

Susan sighed. "Alright. I don't like it, but you know him best. But if he doesn't come back by midnight we're looking for him, okay?"

Itachi nodded once more. "That's fine." Leader should be back by then, and if for some reason he wasn't, Itachi could use a clone or genjutsu to satisfy the others that he had safely returned.

As the fifth years dispersed, Itachi could hear Susan murmuring to herself.

"I wonder what's so urgent he needs to do it right now..."

Itachi thought he knew.


End file.
